One Score and Ten Years....

Bought a plastic food cover thing from Migros recently.

It has a 30 year guarantee. I'm keeping the receipt in a safe place in case I have to go back in 2039 and say, "Excuse me, this product appears to be defective. It's still under guarantee so may I have my money back."

Then I'll probably zip home on my hoverbike and plug in to the Matrix for real.

Sun

Rumors abound that the sun will finally shine on Switzerland tomorrow.

Hope it's not true, I've almost finished my ark.

Present

Go in to Globus.

Hi, I’m looking to buy a whiskey as a present for my friend’s 40th birthday party.

Certainly Sir, what kind of price range are you thinking of?

Like around 7,500 Francs.

Well I can recommend the Macallan here for 7,580 Francs.

Sorry, did I say around 7,500 Francs? I meant to say 50.

Dress Code

So the Swiss want to ban the burka.

While we are introducing a dress code, may I suggest the following additions to the bill?

1. All Swiss people to be banned from wearing lyra shorts. Seriously, it is not essential to wear them while doing all types of sports.

2. Men and women in the Swiss "partner look" should be removed to Siberia or Affoltern am Albis. (Same hardship).

3. Women who look like renegades from the set of Dynasty to be forcibly escorted to the nearest time machine.

I am collecting signatures now...

2010?

St Gallen voted to outlaw legal prostitution for 16 and 17 year olds by just one vote 41-40.

Am I missing something here? Four years after legally requiring a car seat (for children aged up to 12), it is still legal for Swiss teenagers aged 16 in all but 2 parts of the country to sell their bodies for sex.

Is this really 2010?

Illegal by only 1 vote??? For fuck's sake, how can 49% of legislators think it is a good idea???!!!

Dalai Lama in Zurich

Look who was in Switzerland for about the millionth time, the Dalai Lama.

I really fancy paying 100 Francs to hear him.....

Alternatively I think I'll just spend it on booze and achieve inner peace that way for less money.

Let's put it to the test:

Dalai Lama vs Rio Drink Market

Rio scores higher for value and the achievement of instant inner peace every time.

Turkeys voting for Christmas

So it seems to me anyway!

Thought for Easter...

Impressive rant at work the other day by a woman in our office complaining about German speakers wishing her a "Happy Eastern".

Tax time!

It's the end of March so it's time to get your tax returns into the authorities.

The picture shows part of the form given out in Canton Zurich. More specifically, it shows the section where you are supposed to write in how many heads of cattle you own! (Click on the pic to enlarge it).

Personally, I've got all my cows offshore...

General grumpiness in Zurich explained.

Aha, you see it's not because they're miserable bastards but due to the vowel sounds they have to make!

Yeah right.

Rogue State

The world is finally starting to take notice that Switzerland's image is at odds with what is happening in politics and business.

Check out this article called "Switzerland Goes Rogue" in Foreign Policy magazine.

I wouldn't want to be associated with those crazy right-wingers!

This is hilarious - the company which designed the original poster for which the idea has now been stolen in France say "We have never worked for the (French) National Front. And we never will."

Why not? Afraid of being associated with right-wing bigots?

It's not like they have any previous form in this regard at all. Oh no, not at all.

Original image they designed:

Do you do "happy ends" Love?

Yes, with defibrillators...

Good idea

The papers today are reporting that the authorities are looking for ways to close the loophole which allows 16-year-olds to prostitute themselves legally. Last week Geneva became the first place in Switzerland to ban this.

Anyone else think this is something which should have taken priority over banning minarets? As in, this is a real problem....

Let's take a trip...

...to Burg im Leimental where the home of the discoverer of LSD Albert Hofmann is for sale for a cheap 2.5 million Francs.

Nice house with a "unique panoramic view in the middle of 30,000 square meters of agriculturally zoned land".

He lived to be over 100. What did he know that we don't???

Coke introduced to Switzerland's biggest supermarket chain.

Yes indeedy, it's true!

Coke, first patented in 1887, is now available (sorry, awailable) in Switzerland's biggest supermarket chain - Migros. In addition, other tools of the Devil such as Pampers and Nescafe coffee are also on sale now.

Let's make a big song and dance about this! Let's celebrate modernity arriving to Helvetia!

Read the flyer here.

Read an interview about this monumental move here.

If it's all too much for you, click here.

Euro groups drawn

So England are in Switzerland's group for the Euro 2012 qualifiers.

The last time English fans came, they based themselves in Zurich for the match in Vaduz. Unsurprisingly they got out of hand.

One group got the shock of their life when the barman in a pub in the Niederdorf/Old Town pulled out a gun and shot one of them in the leg.

Tough on crime, tough on the causes of crime. That's the Swiss!

That'll teach you to be late!

Train 5 minutes late?

Not acceptable.


Solution: put the train driver in hospital.

No Deal

After 6 years of being on air, Deal or No Deal is to disappear from our screens. Like most things that are successful, I don't understand the attraction, not least the cocky presenter - Roman Kilchsperger.

Still, doesn't seem to make business sense seeing as it was getting 30% audience share. Presumably it had to go to make way for ALF re-runs.

Can't wait!

Stop thief, I wanna have a drink with you....

So you're on your way home and you see three teenagers about to break into an apartment.

Do you:

a) walk by, it's none of your business

b) find the nearest phone to alert the police

or

c) invite them all back to your house for a drink whereupon they threaten you and steal your money?

That's what this guy in Switzerland did!

UEFA

One thing I do like in Switzerland is the fake advertising you sometimes see put up as part of the Swiss Project Mayhem.

I spotted this sticker on a door in the city center recently.

Cervelats - National Task Force Created

I don't know about you, but the story of the summer so far for me has to be which foreign country will save our saussies with their intestines...

South Africa, Paraguay, and Uruguay are all worthy suppliers of intestines, but you really can't beat Brazil for its footballers, women, and its cows' intestines from native Zebu cattle.

Z-List celebs in Switzerland are called Cervelat Promis - maybe there's a solution in there. Let's find a use for people like Roman Kilchsberger and Baschi by ripping open their guts and using them to sheath our beloved cervelats....harsh but fair I know.....