Pigs

So someone in work told me last week that there are more pigs than people in Canton St. Gallen.

I can believe this statistic.

Can't believe it came up in polite conversation though!!!

Swiss quality

So Gaddafi had a Swiss bunker just like all of us in our houses. Bet the Tunisian and Egyptian leaders wish they had placed their trust in Swiss quality as provided by the Luwa firm 30 years ago - they might still be around if so.

Wonder if Gaddafi has to write in his wash days too?

Go SWISS!

Who has the best looking flight attendants?
Not SWISS - and they're proud of it!

Jean-Claude Donzel told 20 Minuten that "Appearance is not the most important attribute (of SWISS cabin crew)."

Thanks for your honesty Jean-Claude. Any chance things might improve?

"Unlike other airlines we don't have a maximum age limit."

So that's a no then...

Welcome aboard SWISS flight LX38 to San Francisco...

I do wonder about the readers of this blog...

Who the hell needed to translate Swiss cow fighting culture into Slovakian???

Please make yourself known to me!

100 Francs

To the first reader to send me a picture of a Reformhaus employee who actually looks healthy....

I'm not worried in the slightest about losing any money!

;-)

Swiss Dating

According to a feature in the NZZ print version yesterday, 71.5% of Swiss said that going out is a good way to meet a new partner.

I am waiting for the correction in next Sunday's paper that it's really 7.15% who think like this.

Come on! Have you ever tried to strike up a conversation while out socializing here??? Being sent to Switzerland is the same as being sent to Coventry...(!)

There are laws against Swiss people talking to one another unless they've been formally introduced, know what the other works at and earns, and their parents have met.

A special licence is also needed for inter-cantonal relationships.

Smarten Up Swiss People

So the UBS wants to introduce dress code guidelines and people are up in arms.

Personally, I like my bank employees to look like bank employees and not renegades from a second hand store/tattoo parlor/Lord of the Rings convention/Mr Weirdy Tufty Beard Competition (delete as appropriate).

Realpolitik

So some members of the SP political party are worried that the new manifesto which includes top ideas such as overthrowing capitalism are not going to win votes.

To them I say don't worry. If they keep losing votes at this rate there will be a radical change in society anyway - ie, there will be nothing to stop the SVP dicatorship being established...

Another great Swiss route

Great suggestion by a coworker who saw my "Between a Rock and a Hard Place" post.

Why not drive from Snot Hole to Bad Egg if you're in that part of Switzerland?

Nice...


View Larger Map

Tax dollars for a worthy cause

Sometimes you hear ex-pats moaning about the fact they pay tax but cannot vote.

On behalf of the Swiss government I say, thanks suckers for giving us money to spend on projects like this one:

"The dignity of living beings with regard to plants. Moral consideration of plants for their own sake."

Did you know that "plants count because they are able to experience something in some way as good or bad, and therefore have their own interests."
Jump straight to page 14 for more info on this.

I love the way they also paid someone to translate this VITAL document into English so someone like me can take the piss out of it.

Thanks Mr Blocher & co.

Halloween - Swiss style

A couple of rugrats called to my door on Sunday.

Children: "Süßes oder Saueres?"

Me: "How I drink my diluted white wine is no concern of yours. Could you please fuck off now?"

The REAL story

OK Chilean miners, you've had your moment in the sun with your groovy sunglasses.

Now could you please get the fuck off the world stage because we have got the REAL triumphant tunneling story?

Thanks.

Are you between a Rock and a Hard Place?

View Larger Map

Then you are somewhere on the purple line on this map.

Could the 2 stories possibly be connected in some way???

Cover of 20 Minuten, 14 September 2010.

Top of the front page - police are looking for the pensioner who owns a lot of guns and is roaming free as a sniper having already shot at them in Biel.

Rest of the front page - 13 year old boy is a better marksman than the other approx. 4,800 young children who took part in the state sanctioned shooting competition which is marked by a half day off in Zurich.

Think hard about it Swiss people...the link is staring you right in the face...

"Even Swiss people, on a Saturday night, are capable of losing their minds."

Bono, Letzigrund Zurich, September 11, 2010.

Not like you to ever be wrong Bono, right?

We speak our own happy English. Easy, hey.

Hurry up gentlemen and secure your very own "pullunder" here.

While you're at it, file this one under "other shitty words you read here which are meant to be English" and take it handy in your Beamer....that life you save may just be Swiss.....

Putting meat on the bone

Couldn’t sleep last night.

Was wondering just how much donkey meat I can legally bring with me to Switzerland. Luckily the government have thought of this problem and developed a webpage to help people like me.

I can bring 0.5 kilos of donkey or mule meat with me tax-free next time I enter the country.

Thank you Bern!

Present

Go in to Globus.

Hi, I’m looking to buy a whiskey as a present for my friend’s 40th birthday party.

Certainly Sir, what kind of price range are you thinking of?

Like around 7,500 Francs.

Well I can recommend the Macallan here for 7,580 Francs.

Sorry, did I say around 7,500 Francs? I meant to say 50.

Stop thief, I wanna have a drink with you....

So you're on your way home and you see three teenagers about to break into an apartment.

Do you:

a) walk by, it's none of your business

b) find the nearest phone to alert the police

or

c) invite them all back to your house for a drink whereupon they threaten you and steal your money?

That's what this guy in Switzerland did!